In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
