Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
