I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
