Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
