sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
