Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
