Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
