fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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