so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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