I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
