You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
