That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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