Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
