you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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