guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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