I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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