so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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