Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Randomize
