My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
