dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
