D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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