I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
