I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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