When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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