mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
