After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
