she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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