I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize