Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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