you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
