If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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