It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
