So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
