I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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