Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
