we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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