I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
