I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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