how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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