he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
