if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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