You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
