Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
