so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
