Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
