Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Barsexuality is the new black.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You ruined the universe
Randomize
