don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
