he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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