So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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