someone get that fucking seahorse.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
