just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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