Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
