i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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