I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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