Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
