My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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