Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
