Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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