i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
