Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
