sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
