soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my shit smells like andre
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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