i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
