yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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