goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
