just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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