I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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