well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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