The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
