happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize