Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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