I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
